Learning from the Past

It is the dead of winter and while many others are snuggling up with loved ones on cozy couches, I am still braving the harsh realities of winter alone.  I have recently begun making a bigger effort to find love (I even made a vision board) and I have been fortunate enough to go on a few nice dates.  There is one man that I have begun to truly like, which both excites and scares me.  I have become very accustomed to my solo journey and the idea of having a +1 is so foreign I am not sure how to process it.  Over the past month I have come to realize the importance of not repeating past mistakes.  It can be incredibly easy to fall into old habits, even when we know without a doubt how unhealthy they are.

For example, I was in a very toxic relationship a number of years back in which my ex was very controlling and I became so emotionally dependent that I could almost not function when he wasn't around.  I found myself intentionally not making plans or making new friends on the 'off' chance he would text or call or want to see me.  As I result I was constantly checking my phone only to be left with disappointment and sadness and no plans.  Once I realized the toxic nature of our relationship,  I was thankfully able to get out of it and find myself again.  Since then, I have become a whole person again and have created a life for myself that I am proud of and love living.  However, after a month and a half of dating, I found myself repeating old mistakes.  I had a Monday off of work and found that I intentionally did not make plans with friends assuming I would see the man I was dating.  The problem was, we had made no plans and never talked about seeing each other.  Monday came and went and not only did I not see him, I also did not see my friends or accomplish any of the many tasks on my to do list.  Luckily, I realized what I was doing and quickly did an about face and texted a close friend to meet up.  I also made sure to attend all of my regular gym classes that week and signed up for a new rec league...check that one off my vision board!

This is all to say that while being single for an extended period of time can make the dating game difficult to navigate, it is important to remember to still continue being you and continue being the awesome whole complete person you are and to continue loving yourself and your solo life.  You are amazing and beautiful, whether attached or not...always remember that and live your life!

Transformation

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks"

I'm sure many of you are familiar with this old adage, but I want to challenge you to shatter this misconception.  Everyone can learn 'new tricks' and has the ability to make real change in their life.  They key to doing so is making the choice to change...every single day!  As a child and a teen I was always involved in some sort of competitive sport and constantly stayed active.  As a young adult I fell out of my old ways and into a bag of potato chips, bowl of popcorn, and occasionally a bottle of wine.  I saw the nasty changes to my body and to my energy level, so for a good while I hit the gym 5-6 days a week and managed to get back into shape. 

Then...the ex came along.  I devoted all my time to him and none of it to myself and fell back into my old habits easier than I'd like to admit.  The toxic relationship with my ex ended a few years ago, but it has taken me a while to get back on my feet and get my life together.  During this time I have developed an avid skill of crafting perfectly constructed excuses for myself as to why I can't work out.  The gym is too expensive.  It's too hot outside.  It's too cold outside.  I don't want to meet new people because I am moving soon.  Or my favorite...I really need to watch this episode of (insert name of random sitcom here).  How weak is that...a TV show about FAKE characters is NOT more important than my REAL LIFE!

It's taken me a while to realize this and to really commit myself to become healthier.  I have made myself empty promises to eat healthier then binged a plate of brownies when I got home from work.  I have been jealous of other woman who are confident in their bodies because they live a healthy lifestyle then ate a pizza.  My thoughts and my actions were constantly in conflict and I began to feel disappointment in myself.  This disappointment is what led me here.  I went to target to by a new hair brush and left with a fitness book called 28 Days to FIT, FIERCE, and FABULOUS.  Tone It Up.  This book if full of inspiration and is designed for real women like me and you.  I encourage everyone to grab a copy and to check out their website http://toneitup.com/. 

I am starting the workout portion of this 28 day journey to a new and more fabulous me and I can't wait.  Join me on this journey and let's all be the best Us we can be!

Being Alone

As a single woman edging ever closer to thirty, being alone is something I not only spend a lot of time doing, but also thinking about.  I am blessed to have many great friends and family only a half days drive away, but I still spend a big chuck of time alone.  I often cook dinner for one, have solo breakfasts on the weekends, arrive and sit alone in a vacant pew at church, and go to sleep alone at night.  I get a lot of me time, which is great but can get overwhelming at times.  This scary sense of the possibility of always being alone is why I spend a lot of time thinking about it.  I wonder if I will always be alone, and my self preservation instincts kick in and I start convincing myself that I will be okay if I am destined to be single, and I am here to say that I will be, and so will you. 

Recently I had time off of work and found myself flying solo in the city for a week.  While I kinda detest doing certain things alone, let's all be honest...the stares of strangers can chide on anyone's nerves...I forced myself to live outside of my comfort zone.  I stepped out of the unknown and into a museum alone.  It was amazing, I had the freedom to spend as much...or as little...time I wanted in each exhibit.  I also walked aimlessly through foreign neighborhoods for hours and sat down in a restaurant for my first solo sit down meal.  It was hard at times, I'd be lying if I said otherwise, but it was also enlightening.  I proved to myself that I CAN do things alone and not be lonely.  I proved to myself that I CAN have fun myself.  I proved to myself that I DON'T have to miss out on opportunities because I don't have a plus one.  I am very straightforward with everyone in my life that I DO want to meet someone and get married, and at times I still struggle with accepting my perpetual singleness, but I took a HUGE step forward in my solo city site seeing, and if I can venture out solo, so CAN YOU.  Yes it's scary, but some of the best moments in life come because they take you to the edge of what is safe and known and into a world of the unimaginable.  Take a risk this week and do something solo you've never done before.  Trust me, even if it is awkward or scary at first, you won't regret the experience.  Be brave, be alone. 

Fall in Love With Yourself

Have you ever made a New Years resolution and failed to keep it, or sworn up and down you would change only to revert to your old ways?  I know I have, I keep telling myself and telling my friends that I will give up TV one day and I will work out every night.  I keep setting huge expectations for myself, and then when I fail to meet them I feel bad about myself.  I mean come on, it's not my fault that Chicago Fire is my the best show ever and The Blacklist keeps sucking me in for more...is it?  Yes, I know that it is healthy to set goals, but what I want to say is that it is okay to just be you.  Don't try to force yourself to be someone you are not, instead find a way to love who you are.  Yes, I am still setting goals for myself and hope to one day lead a healthier lifestyle, but I am giving myself permission to love the person I am today and love where I am today...and you should too!  Life is not about the destination, it is about the journey.  Take a second to pause today and look around, and be proud of yourself and where you are and love the person that you are.  Maybe you don't have the job you always wanted, or the new purse to show off, or even money for groceries, because yes...life can be hard.  It is hard, but it is beautiful and learning to love yourself and the person you are is just one small step in learning to enjoy the ride.

Edit Draft

Starting an email, a blog post, essay, or even a text message can be incredibly hard sometimes.  How do I start off with something catchy that isn't trite?  How do I hook my reader to ensure they read this in it's entirety?  These are the questions that go through my head as I stare at a blank 'draft' page.  I watch the blinking cursor as I place my fingers on the keyboard to begin transforming my thoughts into words.  As I start typing the ideas come rushing to my finger tips, sometimes so quickly I make laughable typos, but I keep typing.  If I continue to type and to work I will eventually have a finished product.  Sometimes it is exactly what I intended, but often times I am far less eloquent than I imagined or I make a point that I initially had not thought of, or fail to make my intended point at all.  But there is one invariable truth, if I keep typing I will accomplish something.  It does not need to be an award winning blog or the most expertly crafted text message to be an accomplishment.  In life, starting something new can often be far more intimidating than a blinking cursor on a blank page, but the same lessons ring true...you just need to start!  You do not always need to have every step planned along the way, and you may make mistakes just as easily and often as a typo...but that is the beauty of life!  Life is filled with wonder and the beauty of the unknown.  Do not be afraid to start something new because you do not know how it will end...instead have faith and start typing out the story of your life one letter at a time!

Choose to Keep Going

The world is a hard place and it's even harder for some than others.  As I walk the streets of downton Chicago I come face to face with the devastation and heartbreak life bestows on people, it's on the faces of people sitting on cardboard boxes in the snow and it's in the strained smile of the clerk at the store telling me to have a good day despite their own internal battles.  Life is hard.  There aren't enough placating words or inspirational posters in the world sometimes, sometimes life is just hard.    Life is hard.  It is hard to get up everyday and go to work at job you hate.  It is hard to make ends meet on a low paying job.  It is hard to deal with the heart break of a broken home.  It is hard to face yourself in the mirror sometimes.  Life is hard.  BUT, the beautiful thing about life is that it's possible.  It is possible to get through the hard times when you have God on your side.  Believing in God will not make the problems go away, it is not a magical trick.  Believing in God will give you strength, it will give you hope, and it will give you courage.  When life is hard know that you are not alone, choose to follow God and choose to keep going.

"My Hallelujah Song"

As the rain falls down and melts the snow outside and the gray clouds block out the winter sun I am reminded of a day this past summer where I had a moment of pure bliss, one of those serendipitous moments that speaks volumes and reinforces that every thing is alright.  Over the past 6 months I have moved across the country, started a new job, and moved in with new roommates.  And as my favorite blogger Many Hale so eloquently said, [I was finally] "brave enough to face the glorious known of the unaccompanied journey." 

I moved to Chicago, and the first few days were a total blur of furniture buying, building, and finding (it's amazing what can be found in an alley).  As the summer wore on I fell more and more in love with the city, with my job, with my friends, and with myself.  I finally felt I had arrived and on one bright August day as I walked home from the L with my music on shuffle the most amazing thing happened.  "My Hallelujah Song" began to play.  I vividly remember walking down the street and looking up to see my apartment coming into view just as the first chords of the song began to play.  At that moment a smile played across my face and I KNEW without a doubt that God had led me to Chicago.  When you give your life to God it is amazing the places he will take you, put your faith and trust in him so that you can sing your own song!

"Look at me, can't believe
I finally made it here
Feeling like I'm where I belong
Singing my hallelujah song
Hard to find, took some time
But I think that I might be hittin'
On what's been missing all along
Singing my hallelujah song"

Click here to watch the music video

No Fear

As the weather has turned colder and the heater turned up, 2015 is beginning to blossom into a new and wonderful year.  As a wise friend told me just yesterday, her motto for 2015 is "No Fear".  I think this a great motto, and am adopting it for myself as well.  To live with no fear is not to suddenly become the person who jumps out of airplanes or takes off for a destination unknown to the furthest reaches of the world.  To live with no fear means to stop waiting, stop stalling, stop making excuses and begin to tackles those chores and tasks that seem insurmountable.  To stop worrying and start praying.  To finally fully commit my life to Jesus in action and not just words.  It also means to finally hit the gym, to throw out those chips (but keep the chocolate of course).  And most importantly, to live with No Fear is to truly and absolutely be unabashedly you!  I pray you live with No Fear this year as well!


No Fear!  2015








Photo credit: B_cool / iW / CC BY

Breaking the Holding Pattern

If you are a woman like me, you dreamt of falling in love in college and getting a marriage certificate right around the time you earned your diploma.  If you are a woman like me, earning your diploma is a distant memory and a marriage certificate is nowhere in sight.  I have always known deep in my bones that I would fall in love and get married, that I would have the kind of love movies are made about, and while I still believe this sentiment it is now clear that I need to live my own life and not pine away for a romance that has a far different timetable than my own.  Looking back on my life I can see that many of my decisions were based on the notion that I would get married and did not want to miss my chance at meeting my future husband.  I have always had a desire to travel internationally on mission trips, but have not done so.  Thinking to myself, what would happen if I missed my opportunity to meet Mr. Right because I was on the other side of the world.  There is so much wrong with this thought process, my life is so much more than the possibility of meeting someone.  I am writing this because I am confident that I am not the only woman who has made life decisions based on the notion that Prince Charming may be just around the next corner, not the only woman who has passed up opportunities to do something for themselves because of the hope of meeting someone else, not the only woman who has been living in a holding pattern waiting to truly live their life until they become someone's wife.  I have vowed to myself to no longer put my life on hold, I am a beautiful unique woman with many gifts.  I do not need a man to be whole or to validate my existence and while being single can be lonely at times, I know that it is better to live my life fully alone than to settle for anything less than true love.  I still believe wholeheartedly that one day I will meet and marry my perfect match, but until that day I will LIVE my life.  God does not want you or I to wait idly by, but to live and to love ourselves.  I challenge you to break your own holding pattern, do not put off the future or manufacture excuses to not live fully.  Instead, place your faith in God to take care of you and to take care of the future, and live in the now.

Transformation

As I write this the calendar is showing December 20th.  Just 5 more days until Christmas and 11 days left until the year switches over to 2015.  I can't help but think about New Years Resolutions and the new beginning and possibilities that come with the calendar flashing January.  Six months ago I went through a rebirth of sorts: new job, new city, new apt, and a new life.  The past six month of new have gone by in a flash and what was once new and exciting is now routine and gives me a blessed contentedness.  Now, January looms on the horizon and I find myself reflecting on the past six months and excited about the future and what January may hold.  Historically I have never been big on New Years Resolutions, I have made a few as a child (don't fight with my sister & do my chores for example)  but have never been successful at keeping them.  I have found this is because change needs to come about organically and not be manufactured to fit into the calendar and to societies expectations.  This year I feel an undeniable call to transformation, to become closer to God & myself, to watch less TV & read and write more, to talk less & listen more, and to become more patient and less demanding of God.  All too often I find myself trying to manufacture my destiny and force things into place when I need to take the backseat and pray.  Growing up I had a Bible verse hung in my bathroom, I've read more times than I can count yet the words ring true now more than ever:

"For I know the plans I have you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you," Jeremiah 29:11

Trusting in the Lord is key, and I pray for patience and courage to put my faith in him and stop forcing things.  After all, some of the best moments in life are the unexpected.  Here is to a fabulous New Year filled with love and patience and being unabashedly me!

Be You

Be You...two simple words with am immense message.  The message of "Be You" sounds simple, but to live it out every single day takes dedication, frustration, tears, and triumphs.  The media is full of beautiful celebrities people want to be like or amazing athletes we are encouraged to emulate.  But what about people who don't look like a super model or can't throw a touchdown pass?  My message is the same, Be You!  Even when it's hard, even when people are telling you to change, and even when you begin to believe you need to change to be accepted, to be loved, to be worthy.  You are worthy as you and you are loved as you and you are accepted as you.  Be You!  God made you, and he did not make a mistake.  Yes, we all have different talents and abilities, but God loves us the same whether we win the Nobel Peace Price, write a best selling novel, or greet customers at Walmart.  Be You!