Being Alone

As a single woman edging ever closer to thirty, being alone is something I not only spend a lot of time doing, but also thinking about.  I am blessed to have many great friends and family only a half days drive away, but I still spend a big chuck of time alone.  I often cook dinner for one, have solo breakfasts on the weekends, arrive and sit alone in a vacant pew at church, and go to sleep alone at night.  I get a lot of me time, which is great but can get overwhelming at times.  This scary sense of the possibility of always being alone is why I spend a lot of time thinking about it.  I wonder if I will always be alone, and my self preservation instincts kick in and I start convincing myself that I will be okay if I am destined to be single, and I am here to say that I will be, and so will you. 

Recently I had time off of work and found myself flying solo in the city for a week.  While I kinda detest doing certain things alone, let's all be honest...the stares of strangers can chide on anyone's nerves...I forced myself to live outside of my comfort zone.  I stepped out of the unknown and into a museum alone.  It was amazing, I had the freedom to spend as much...or as little...time I wanted in each exhibit.  I also walked aimlessly through foreign neighborhoods for hours and sat down in a restaurant for my first solo sit down meal.  It was hard at times, I'd be lying if I said otherwise, but it was also enlightening.  I proved to myself that I CAN do things alone and not be lonely.  I proved to myself that I CAN have fun myself.  I proved to myself that I DON'T have to miss out on opportunities because I don't have a plus one.  I am very straightforward with everyone in my life that I DO want to meet someone and get married, and at times I still struggle with accepting my perpetual singleness, but I took a HUGE step forward in my solo city site seeing, and if I can venture out solo, so CAN YOU.  Yes it's scary, but some of the best moments in life come because they take you to the edge of what is safe and known and into a world of the unimaginable.  Take a risk this week and do something solo you've never done before.  Trust me, even if it is awkward or scary at first, you won't regret the experience.  Be brave, be alone. 

Edit Draft

Starting an email, a blog post, essay, or even a text message can be incredibly hard sometimes.  How do I start off with something catchy that isn't trite?  How do I hook my reader to ensure they read this in it's entirety?  These are the questions that go through my head as I stare at a blank 'draft' page.  I watch the blinking cursor as I place my fingers on the keyboard to begin transforming my thoughts into words.  As I start typing the ideas come rushing to my finger tips, sometimes so quickly I make laughable typos, but I keep typing.  If I continue to type and to work I will eventually have a finished product.  Sometimes it is exactly what I intended, but often times I am far less eloquent than I imagined or I make a point that I initially had not thought of, or fail to make my intended point at all.  But there is one invariable truth, if I keep typing I will accomplish something.  It does not need to be an award winning blog or the most expertly crafted text message to be an accomplishment.  In life, starting something new can often be far more intimidating than a blinking cursor on a blank page, but the same lessons ring true...you just need to start!  You do not always need to have every step planned along the way, and you may make mistakes just as easily and often as a typo...but that is the beauty of life!  Life is filled with wonder and the beauty of the unknown.  Do not be afraid to start something new because you do not know how it will end...instead have faith and start typing out the story of your life one letter at a time!

Breaking the Holding Pattern

If you are a woman like me, you dreamt of falling in love in college and getting a marriage certificate right around the time you earned your diploma.  If you are a woman like me, earning your diploma is a distant memory and a marriage certificate is nowhere in sight.  I have always known deep in my bones that I would fall in love and get married, that I would have the kind of love movies are made about, and while I still believe this sentiment it is now clear that I need to live my own life and not pine away for a romance that has a far different timetable than my own.  Looking back on my life I can see that many of my decisions were based on the notion that I would get married and did not want to miss my chance at meeting my future husband.  I have always had a desire to travel internationally on mission trips, but have not done so.  Thinking to myself, what would happen if I missed my opportunity to meet Mr. Right because I was on the other side of the world.  There is so much wrong with this thought process, my life is so much more than the possibility of meeting someone.  I am writing this because I am confident that I am not the only woman who has made life decisions based on the notion that Prince Charming may be just around the next corner, not the only woman who has passed up opportunities to do something for themselves because of the hope of meeting someone else, not the only woman who has been living in a holding pattern waiting to truly live their life until they become someone's wife.  I have vowed to myself to no longer put my life on hold, I am a beautiful unique woman with many gifts.  I do not need a man to be whole or to validate my existence and while being single can be lonely at times, I know that it is better to live my life fully alone than to settle for anything less than true love.  I still believe wholeheartedly that one day I will meet and marry my perfect match, but until that day I will LIVE my life.  God does not want you or I to wait idly by, but to live and to love ourselves.  I challenge you to break your own holding pattern, do not put off the future or manufacture excuses to not live fully.  Instead, place your faith in God to take care of you and to take care of the future, and live in the now.