Being Alone

As a single woman edging ever closer to thirty, being alone is something I not only spend a lot of time doing, but also thinking about.  I am blessed to have many great friends and family only a half days drive away, but I still spend a big chuck of time alone.  I often cook dinner for one, have solo breakfasts on the weekends, arrive and sit alone in a vacant pew at church, and go to sleep alone at night.  I get a lot of me time, which is great but can get overwhelming at times.  This scary sense of the possibility of always being alone is why I spend a lot of time thinking about it.  I wonder if I will always be alone, and my self preservation instincts kick in and I start convincing myself that I will be okay if I am destined to be single, and I am here to say that I will be, and so will you. 

Recently I had time off of work and found myself flying solo in the city for a week.  While I kinda detest doing certain things alone, let's all be honest...the stares of strangers can chide on anyone's nerves...I forced myself to live outside of my comfort zone.  I stepped out of the unknown and into a museum alone.  It was amazing, I had the freedom to spend as much...or as little...time I wanted in each exhibit.  I also walked aimlessly through foreign neighborhoods for hours and sat down in a restaurant for my first solo sit down meal.  It was hard at times, I'd be lying if I said otherwise, but it was also enlightening.  I proved to myself that I CAN do things alone and not be lonely.  I proved to myself that I CAN have fun myself.  I proved to myself that I DON'T have to miss out on opportunities because I don't have a plus one.  I am very straightforward with everyone in my life that I DO want to meet someone and get married, and at times I still struggle with accepting my perpetual singleness, but I took a HUGE step forward in my solo city site seeing, and if I can venture out solo, so CAN YOU.  Yes it's scary, but some of the best moments in life come because they take you to the edge of what is safe and known and into a world of the unimaginable.  Take a risk this week and do something solo you've never done before.  Trust me, even if it is awkward or scary at first, you won't regret the experience.  Be brave, be alone. 

Fall in Love With Yourself

Have you ever made a New Years resolution and failed to keep it, or sworn up and down you would change only to revert to your old ways?  I know I have, I keep telling myself and telling my friends that I will give up TV one day and I will work out every night.  I keep setting huge expectations for myself, and then when I fail to meet them I feel bad about myself.  I mean come on, it's not my fault that Chicago Fire is my the best show ever and The Blacklist keeps sucking me in for more...is it?  Yes, I know that it is healthy to set goals, but what I want to say is that it is okay to just be you.  Don't try to force yourself to be someone you are not, instead find a way to love who you are.  Yes, I am still setting goals for myself and hope to one day lead a healthier lifestyle, but I am giving myself permission to love the person I am today and love where I am today...and you should too!  Life is not about the destination, it is about the journey.  Take a second to pause today and look around, and be proud of yourself and where you are and love the person that you are.  Maybe you don't have the job you always wanted, or the new purse to show off, or even money for groceries, because yes...life can be hard.  It is hard, but it is beautiful and learning to love yourself and the person you are is just one small step in learning to enjoy the ride.

Edit Draft

Starting an email, a blog post, essay, or even a text message can be incredibly hard sometimes.  How do I start off with something catchy that isn't trite?  How do I hook my reader to ensure they read this in it's entirety?  These are the questions that go through my head as I stare at a blank 'draft' page.  I watch the blinking cursor as I place my fingers on the keyboard to begin transforming my thoughts into words.  As I start typing the ideas come rushing to my finger tips, sometimes so quickly I make laughable typos, but I keep typing.  If I continue to type and to work I will eventually have a finished product.  Sometimes it is exactly what I intended, but often times I am far less eloquent than I imagined or I make a point that I initially had not thought of, or fail to make my intended point at all.  But there is one invariable truth, if I keep typing I will accomplish something.  It does not need to be an award winning blog or the most expertly crafted text message to be an accomplishment.  In life, starting something new can often be far more intimidating than a blinking cursor on a blank page, but the same lessons ring true...you just need to start!  You do not always need to have every step planned along the way, and you may make mistakes just as easily and often as a typo...but that is the beauty of life!  Life is filled with wonder and the beauty of the unknown.  Do not be afraid to start something new because you do not know how it will end...instead have faith and start typing out the story of your life one letter at a time!

Choose to Keep Going

The world is a hard place and it's even harder for some than others.  As I walk the streets of downton Chicago I come face to face with the devastation and heartbreak life bestows on people, it's on the faces of people sitting on cardboard boxes in the snow and it's in the strained smile of the clerk at the store telling me to have a good day despite their own internal battles.  Life is hard.  There aren't enough placating words or inspirational posters in the world sometimes, sometimes life is just hard.    Life is hard.  It is hard to get up everyday and go to work at job you hate.  It is hard to make ends meet on a low paying job.  It is hard to deal with the heart break of a broken home.  It is hard to face yourself in the mirror sometimes.  Life is hard.  BUT, the beautiful thing about life is that it's possible.  It is possible to get through the hard times when you have God on your side.  Believing in God will not make the problems go away, it is not a magical trick.  Believing in God will give you strength, it will give you hope, and it will give you courage.  When life is hard know that you are not alone, choose to follow God and choose to keep going.